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Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Carrboro Banshee

Continuing in our series of local phenomena, I bring you, The Carrboro Banshee...

In all my travels, I've never encountered anything like the Carrboro Banshee. I hope to never encounter her or anything like her again. Short in stature, the Banshee is no less bold. She will strike without warning, and the intensity always varies. If you're lucky, you may only bear the brunt of a snide comment, usually a passive aggressive remark intended to darken your day. Be careful! DO NOT, under any circumstance, engage her OR ignore her. You must tread a careful line between the two. Thank her if you have to. Engaging her will result in more comments, escalating in severity until you have no choice but feel defeated. Ignoring her will ignite her sickly yellow eyes and result in piercing insults and babble, delivered in loud wails and screams that can be heard all through the kitchen and into the dining room.

These attacks can happen at any time. Her true nature may lie dormant for several days or even weeks until some unknown trigger tickles her ire. Much of her bitterness stems from her perception of powerlessness and mental torment at the hands of her superiors. This is no excuse for her behavior, the Banshee is advanced in years, despite her low position, and were she a normal woman, she would have more decorum. Her targets are more often women, although men are also susceptible. At present her whereabouts are unknown. She has been underground for more than a year, after a particularly nasty screaming match that resulted in her termination.

Locals should be on the lookout - her usual form is that of a short, middle aged woman with yellow-green eyes, a sallow complexion, and unruly, thinning red hair. Her voice is most easily compared with a sick and dying alley cat - whiny, high pitched and grating. As with the Monkey Man of Chapel Hill, caution should be taken not to engage her, lest you come away scarred for life. Sightings may be posted in the comments section, as we all should be aware of her location.

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