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Saturday, December 15, 2007

Jumping Without a Net

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? I know it's a question that's been asked before, by others much more qualified than me. It's something I've been thinking about a lot today. There was a delay in my chocolate order - so I can't really go crazy with work until Monday morning. I've still got plenty to do, but the majority of it is rather mindless and that left my brain free to wander.

Fear is one of those love/hate subjects for me, heavy on the hate. I've learned that fear can be a great protector - it's our primal fears that often keep us out of dangerous situations. I know there have been a few situations where that kind of gut instinct has kept me out of harm's way. But fear can also be a smothering blanket, like an overprotective parent who never lets his child out of sight. It's that kind of fear that I've grown to dislike and avoid. It's insidious, when you least expect it, the grasping fingers of fear come out to pull you down.

Today I declared my own personal war on wet-blanket fear. With vigilance, I plan to knock it down and never let it back up. It's the cautiousness that stops me when I'm just about to be a more authentic version of myself. It's fear of judgement or rejection that shackles me to stupid life patterns that get me nowhere. If I'd let fear win out, I would have never started this business, I would probably have stayed at one or another dead-end and senses-numbing job, always hoping for a big break, or perhaps the lottery.

I exaggerate for the purposes of making a point - I really don't think I've ever been quite so fearful, although there have been days. But how many people can relate to that? I think there are quite a few out there who still have a little spark of a dream, but fear of judgement, rejection, and failure hold them back.

It's my nature to be shy. I've written about my introversion before. But, is it possible to change from an introvert to an extrovert? Is it possible that the fear drained my energy, and not the social interaction? I think I'll find out soon enough. My war on fear starts today. Today is the day that I analyze every negative thought and banish it, because it comes from an unproductive place of fear, and I've got no room for unproductivity. That's right, unproductivity, it's a new word, I've just made it up. Today I jump, and trust that the net will be there before I land. And if the net isn't there, then there's probably a good reason, and I'll figure it out, instead of blaming the roadies.

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